Too much being alone makes my brain playing tricks on me.
Being alone here means I have no one to trust, for myself to be my "real" self. I consider myself not really that antisocial. I have my own cliques (even though its not that many people), hell, even i joined an volunteer organization in my campus. But in the end is always same, I never opened up with them until someone really approaching me and spend time with me for some time. In result, I don't make friends with all of them. On the middle of making friends, I got tired and thinking, 'is it even worth it?' and theres goes my chance to have a friend. Another fault that i've made is not allowing myself to make mistakes in social interaction. Deep inside my mind, I believe once you're screwed up, you'll never make it anymore. Even though I don't really think like that to someone else. To cope with my own loneliness, I'm utilizing those parasocial effect from fictional characters, idol groups, etc. For me, as long I realize those parasocial eff...